I am so not a DABA girl. Oh? You mean you've never heard of a DABA girl? Like, you are so totally living under a rock. Dating A Banker Anonymous. Duh!
Yeah, I wish I was kidding. There is actually a whole website, nay, community that runs like a cross between a snotty sorority and a 1960s country club. What is so wrong with dating a banker, you say? Nothing, nothing at all. My brother-in-law is in finance and he is a great guy. What earns this cyber community my derision is their seemingly materialistic and self-centered attitudes and platitudes. (That's the sorority part). And the retro country club aspect? Well, let's look at the member by-lines, shall we?
"Dating A Banker Anonymous (DABA) is a safe place where women can come together – free from the scrutiny of feminists– and share their tearful tales of how the mortgage meltdown has affected their relationships. . .So if your monthly Bergdorf’s allowance has been halved and bottle service has all but disappeared from your life, lighten your heart with laughter and email your stories to. . ."
Okay, I am all for freedom of speech and expression. That is my passion (click here to see what I'm talking about). So though I disdain the DABA culture, I applaud the two girls who began DABA. One is a lawyer and the other is a fashion editor, and this whole thing is so clearly a satire on society. But what worries me is that there is enough of this in society for a satire! Brava to both of you on your witty, humorous and crisp writing. This is all very Jane Austen of you.
I just, however, have one thing to ask.
Do not, do not make "Feminist" the newest curse word. Now, to set the record, I don't consider myself a feminist. Not in the strict sense. But I appreciate a lot of what the movement has done for me. You know, small things like equal pay for equal work, the vote, my right to choose whom I wish to date even if that means I am the mistress of a sugar daddy banker who has a wife and kids, and I get all petulant when he won't take me on vacation because "the funds are tight." (Yes, yet another pearl of model womanhood to be found in the rose-colored world of the living DABAs).
Nor should they exclude feminists (or feminist appreciatives) from the joys of living luxurious and resplendent lives! I can stand up on my own two-feet, rock a boardroom, and still enjoy a hot and steamy night out, flashing bling right and left, appreciating good flirtation while dining on caviar, and let a man hold a door open for me without compromising my principles. Just because I am a strong woman doesn't mean I don't appreciate a strong man. Actually, that is the only sort of man I can appreciate!
The biggest thing about Feminism, in my opinion, is equality and respect. Throwing a hissy fit because your boyfriend (or FBF, Finance Boyfriend) just lost his job due to some major corporate down-sizing or wicked plunges in the stock market is so sad. And wrong! A relationship isn't about who gets to be the most pampered or the cutest arm-candy. It's about being there for each other, through thick and thin.
So to the majority of DABA followers, (creators excluded) I'm just a jealous "feminist" hag. And maybe I am. But give me the dignity of a solid, ebb-and-flow, caring and loving relationship over the superficial, self-centered, money-hungry, immature flings the DABAs so desperately cling to, any day. And if that makes me a feminist, then I'm okay with that.